You’ve been dating the man long enough to know you like him. You really,
really like him. Heck, you might even love him.
So you told him.
If he responded by sweeping you in his arms and swearing his
undying passion and fidelity, congratulations.
But if his face started to twitch, and he mumbled something
like, “Hey, I thought we were taking things slow,” or worse, “I love
you, but I’m not in love with you,” you have a situation on your
Fear not. All is not lost.
Remain calm. Do not, I repeat, do not dissolve into tears (I’m
begging you here).
Look him in the eye. Manage a chuckle and say, “Wow. How embarrassing.”
He’ll probably say something like, “Hey, no problem. It’s just that
my skiing career is just taking off, and I…”
This is where you interrupt.
You say, “No. Forget I said it.”
Change the subject. Remain good-natured. Smile as naturally as you
can without it killing you.
If you’re in the middle of the evening, it’s probably not a good idea
to call it a night (unless he’s freaked out and does it himself; in
which case, give him a peck on the cheek and exit gracefully).
Again, change the subject at all costs. Talk about the weather, if
you have to. Talk about the movie you saw with him or with someone else.
Talk about the book you just read. Ask him if he’s happy with his
The key is to steer the conversation into a new direction. Once you
do that, you can let him take over.
WHAT YOU ABSOLUTELY MUST NOT DO:
Do not allow yourself to drink too much. Do not allow yourself to
interrogate him about your relationship. Don’t ask, “Remember all the
fun we had the night we went to the beach, and you said…,” or “How
can you say you want to move slowly? I’m the best thing that ever
happened to you, and you’re going to find out,” or “You love me but
you’re not in love with me? What does that even mean?”
Let it go. Your mind may be swirling with question marks, but you
must ignore them. It may kill you, but you must.
At the end of the night, tell him you had a great time. Smile. Do not ask
him to call you. Do not ask him when you’ll see him again. Give him
that friendly peck on the cheek. Smile. Thank him for a fun evening.
Turn your back and walk away.
NOW IT’S WHITE KNUCKLE TIME
Will he call again? Should you call him?
I don’t know the answer to the first question, but I do know the answer to
the second. Do not, under any circumstances, call him.
You cannot convince anybody to like you, let alone love you.
But you can give him a chance to miss you by not calling. When you
blurted out your feelings for him, you gave him a lot to think about.
Give him a chance to think about it.
Do not call him.
If he calls you, you must determine whether you’re willing to spend
time with someone who’s on the fence about your relationship.
If you decide to go for it, don’t (that’s do not) be available every
time he asks you to go out.
He will either realize how much you mean to him, or he’ll realize
that he doesn’t miss you that much at all.
Either way, you win. If he loves you, great. But if he doesn’t, that’s
okay, too. Why would you want to waste any more time with a guy who’s
not capable of giving you the love you deserve?