You would think being married would mean you automatically have a Valentine. Well, for many married folks it’s just not the case. In fact, for some married couples Valentine’s Day is just a painful reminder of what they don’t have.
Marriage is blissful for most, bland for some and painful for others. It’s one of those days on the calendar that is hard to ignore. Women brag about their diamonds, roses and fine chocolates. Men gossip about how romantic they were and pat themselves on the back. Then there are those who are only grateful that the day has come and gone.
The question is, “where do you fit in on Valentine’s Day”? Are you blissful or miserable or somewhere in the middle?
If you are miserable there is some good news. You can change your relationship in the next 12 months and be blissful the next time Valentine’s Day rolls around. This should be your goal so that you no longer feel married and alone on the most romantic day of the year.
I know you are thinking, this can’t happen for me. My question for you is “why not”?
- Why can’t you fix your relationship over a 12 month period?
- Isn’t it better to try and fail, than to not try at all?
- When is the last time you did something with a purpose to change your relationship?
My suggestion is that you take the pressure off fixing your marriage. Lower the stress and anxiety in your marriage and your house. It’s hard to fix something when the heat or pressure is too high. When stress is too high, feelings of anger and resentment overshadow love and patience and the spirit of cooperation.
A good place to start rebuilding your marriage is to refuse to dwell on the negative. The only way to do so is to change your thinking habits. The following statement is critical to your marriage restoration.
Stop your negative thoughts before they begin to fill your mind and heart with discontent.
Just so you understand, I said “stop your negative thoughts before they begin to fill your mind and heart with discontent”.
For example, let’s say your spouse makes a sarcastic comment about something you did or didn’t do.
What happens next?
A negative thought pops into your head like “what a unappreciative selfish blank”. Then the second thought pops in like “If he/she doesn’t like it he/she should leave”.
If you are not careful, in the span of less than 5 minutes, 15 to 20 negative thoughts about your spouse and relationship floats through your brain and your heart.
Do you think this helps or hurts your marriage?
So, as I said above, you must control the negative thoughts and feelings and cut them off as quickly as possible.
A way to do so is to immediately tell yourself how thankful you are for your spouse. Not everyone has a spouse and for this you should be thankful.
Please keep in mind that no person or marriage is perfect. Just because another couple you know looks perfect together trust me, they are not. Don’t compare your marriage to others, unless you are copying some healthy habits you have seen into your marriage.