You meet a guy, you click with him, you have this undeniable chemistry and all your friends say that you look good together. The only problem is that you are clueless where you stand in his life or if you are supposed to expect something more. Unfortunately, we live in a society where “double standards” is a way of life. Women are not supposed to make the first move and that’s how manipulation comes into play. No matter what your reasons are, you should never manipulate a man to commit to you especially if you are thinking about having a healthy, loving relationship.
There are ways on how to get him to define the relationship and the best way is to be straightforward about it. I know we’ve been told not to initiate “the talk” but if you are the kind of woman who hates investing on a relationship that’s not going anywhere, your best bet is to ask the guy where he thinks the relationship is going. Tell him that you are not the type to make assumptions and you want to know what he wants from you. It’s a very straightforward question that requires a direct answer. Ask him if he just wants to be friends or if he’s looking forward to something more. Don’t worry about scaring him away, if anything, he will appreciate your honesty. If he is not serious about you and he only wants you to stick around so he’ll have someone to sleep with, he is not going to be thrilled to answer your questions. A few words would come out of his mouth and will try to change the subject immediately. You’ll be glad you asked for your sake. At least you know what’s really going on. This is your cue to reconsider your options. You have to decide whether you’re willing to take a gamble or move on and keep looking.
If a guy comes clean with a candid answer and tells you “I’m having so much fun with you but I don’t think I can be in a serious relationship right now. I don’t want to disappoint you or anything.” then maybe it’s time for you to get out but do it with grace and tell him you understand, no hard feelings. Thank him for his honesty and politely ask him not to text or call you anymore. 9 out of 10 guys will have a change of heart and the biggest mistake that women make is that they call the guy a couple of days later and tell him that they’re willing to be casual. There goes your dignity and self-respect out of the window.
If you don’t have the courage to ask him or if it’s too early on in the relationship, there is a more subtle approach on how to get him to define the relationship. Practice self-control and resist the urge to give the guy all the freebies. As demeaning as the expression “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” is, it holds some truth to it and whether we like it or not, it applies to most relationships especially if you and the guy are not on the same page. Sure, you are having sex regularly but it should never be used as a gauge how serious the relationship is. Just because he sleeps with you doesn’t mean that he is going to give you a title. Never assume that you are someone’s girlfriend unless you’ve had that conversation. It doesn’t matter if he brings you flowers or if he takes yoga classes with you, you have to verbally agree that you two are exclusive but until then, you can’t tell people that he is your boyfriend.