JSDAKKWKQKWDKWQK [email protected]#K#KEWDKAKSA DKSADKSADWKQKQWKWQDKWQKwq
Are you broken up with the love of your life and you have heard that the no contact rule is the way to go if you want to get him back? Is it driving you crazy trying to abide by the no contact rule? You miss him and want him and just wish that all of this was over and done with and you could just get back to being in love again. You want to hear the sound of his voice and connect with him again but you are willing to go by the rules that say that you can’t contact your ex.
The big problem with the no contact rule is that often it can be perceived by your ex is being passive aggressive behavior. Your ex might mistake your silence and avoiding him as being a way to show your anger towards him and the breakup without actually doing anything. While this might seem like a great idea, it might actually drive him further away and push him into the arms of another woman if you aren’t careful.
Yes, the no contact rule is a great tool or guideline for you to follow if you are tempted to want to contact him endlessly to try to work things out. If you find yourself wanting to talk on and on needlessly about the breakup or asking him to tell you what you did to cause the breakup then using the no contact rule for a while is a good idea.
So many experts take this stuff way too far though and you should know that the no contract rule is just one aspect of any successful plan to get your ex back. It is not nor should it be an entire plan to help you get your man back. By doing absolutely nothing you will gain nothing and if you ever do wind up bumping into your ex again you aren’t going to know what to say or do to get him back. That isn’t the time to be flying by the seat of your pants and you better have some sort of game plan before that day comes, don’t you think?
You see, without a game plan and without knowing what you need to say and do to get your ex back you will probably fall back into old patterns of behavior and you will be right back where you started before. You need to know how to break down that wall that your ex has built around his heart and know what to say to make him think twice about breaking up with you. You need to know what causes a guy to change his mind and what moves a man emotionally to fixate upon you and you alone again.
Once you put a little time between your breakup and the day you do make contact with him again and armed with ways to open his heart and move him emotionally you have a winning plan. Without a plan you are just wishing on a hope and a dream and you just might be pushing him into the arms of another woman instead of doing what is necessary to get him back.
Of all the things your boyfriend can say during the course of your relationship ‘I need some space’ is the most confusing. Your stomach sinks. You feel suddenly nauseated. A thousand things run through your mind, and none of them are good.
Did I do something wrong? Is he going to break up with me?
Did he find someone else?
Thoughts like these spin through your head, gaining speed and momentum until everything is out of control. You can’t think straight in a situation like this. Especially since you don’t know exactly what your boyfriend wants, or why he said what he did.
Your boyfriend wanting space is never a good thing. The brutal truth is that yes, he might be thinking of ending the relationship. He’s in a place where he’s not 100% satisfied with the way things are right now.
Now note: I didn’t say he was unhappy. Your boyfriend could still be happy and ask for space, and this situation can be even more disastrous. Because if your relationship is going well, and there were no warning signs whatsoever? There’s a good chance your boyfriend might be trying to use the ‘space’ thing as an excuse to chase after or even date some other girl.
The Good Thing About Him Wanting Space
Okay, so he wants space. It isn’t all bad news, and here’s why:
If your boyfriend wants to end the relationship all he has to do is break up with you. You’d hear things such as “this isn’t working out” or “we’re not compatible” or the ever-awesome “it’s not you, it’s me”. These things are relationship-ending phrases, meaning your boyfriend is looking to be single by the end of the conversation.
But your guy said he needed space. Or ‘room to breathe’. Or ‘time to think’. Maybe he said ‘we’re moving too fast’. Any and all of those sayings is guy-code for this:
“”Go away for a while, but please don’t go too far… in case I decide I want you again.”
This is a double-edged sword. It’s bad because your boyfriend is trying to get you to agree to a trial break up. He wants the freedom to play the field and possibly see other people, but he wants the security and comfort of knowing you’re still going to be waiting around for him.
In other words, he’s being a selfish ass.
The good news however, is that your boyfriend doesn’t want to lose you completely. By playing the ‘space’ card, he’s trying to put you in a holding pattern. He STILL wants to see you (although maybe not right away). He STILL wants you available to talk to, text-message, or even get together with. Most of all, your boyfriend wants you in his line of sight. He wants to be able to see you – and everything that you’re doing – so he can remain confident that you’re not using this trial separation as a vehicle to go out with other guys and possibly end up leaving him for someone else.
The Bad Thing About Giving Your Boyfriend Space
Okay, so you know he still has feelings for you. That’s good. But there are a lot of bad aspects to agreeing to give your boyfriend space when he requests it, and you need to understand what these are.
First of all, giving him space is like giving him a license to sleep with other people. Even if you got back together after such an event, your boyfriend would always claim the infidelity meant nothing because you “weren’t really together”. You know that’s bogus, and of course he does too. But unfortunately, this is what he’ll do.
The other thing about accepting his ‘I need room to breathe’ excuse is that the balance of power shifts 100% in his favor. All of a sudden you have no control over anything, because you’re giving him space. He gets to be in the driver’s seat, because he decides when (and if) the ‘I need space’ thing is over.
During this temporary breakup, your guy will keep strict tabs on you. He wants you on you a leash. And because he’s the one who claimed to have needed space, the worst part is your relationship now becomes one-sided. If he calls you, he’s just being cool and communicative. But if you call him? Suddenly you’re smothering him. He can act all irritated toward you, because you’re not giving him “his space”, which makes you feel like somehow, you’re the one at fault.
What Should I Do if My Boyfriend Wants Space?
Okay, on to the good stuff. Here’s what you do – and what you tell him – when your boyfriend pulls the ‘leave me alone for a while’ card on you:
First and foremost, you must remain strong. The second worst thing you can do is cry or get upset, and the worst thing you can do is beg or plead for him not to do this. Breaking down emotionally like that, you might as well just hand him all of the control. From there, whatever happens in your relationship is all his decision, not yours.
Second, you CANNOT agree to his terms. He wants space? Too bad. You don’t “do” space. Either he dates you or he doesn’t – those are his choices – because you respect the relationship too much – and you respect YOURSELF too much – to kick back and wait for somebody who might or might not come back.
When your boyfriend tells you he wants some time apart to think about things (or however he phrases it) you tell him this:
“”Yeah, sorry, no. I don’t do the whole ‘give me space’ thing. If you really feel this way, let’s just break up. Obviously you have some issues, and I’m not hanging around in limbo while you work them out.”
This is how you go from a bad situation to a better one. Either your ex will start retreating, taking back the entire idea, or he’ll call your bluff on the breakup. If he does the latter, you have to stand firm. You have to be able to walk away from the conversation, leave him completely alone, and disconnect for a while. Don’t answer your phone, don’t go online to check emails or Facebook… let it sink in that his plan just backfired. Let him realize that if he really wants to continue with this “I think we need a break” nonsense, he stands a real chance of losing you for good.
Are you frustrated and upset since your breakup and you just want to know what you can do to get your ex back? Do you wish you knew what to do to make him want to come crawling back to you on his knees? It really is possible to make him regret breaking up with you and turn him into an emotional mess with very little effort. You just have to know how guys work and what emotional hot buttons to press to make him want you, desire you and need you more than ever.
Most women try the old tried and true methods of getting their ex back that never work. They try talking to their ex, discussing the breakup, promising to change, trying to be nice, trying to be mean… they try everything under the sun. These methods will actually make it more difficult for you to get your ex back in the long run and women often wind up pushing their guy away instead of drawing him closer using these methods.
The thing you need to understand about your man is that in spite of the fact that he says that he is unemotional his decisions are based upon emotions. It is just that his emotions are so deeply seated into his psychological makeup that he doesn’t realize that he is being swayed by them. He might say that he is logical and many time his decisions might seem to be logical or he might have valid reasons for the decisions that he makes but don’t be fooled. Guys can be controlled by emotions and psychology or psychological tricks.
No guy, your ex included, will ever be convinced to do something until he feels some emotion behind it. He will never decide to get back together with you because you present a solid logical argument. But if you can make him feel desire for you again and loss for not having you around then you have a solid chance of getting him back. If you can push him over the edge emotionally and make him miss you times ten then having him chasing after you and wanting to get back together will be a cinch.
And how do you bring him to his knees? The more emotions you can make him feel and the more intense those emotions are and the longer you hold out the crazier you will make him. It is that simple. Of course, these techniques do require that you work sort of in stealth mode. Overt attempts to seduce him or make him jealous will end in failure and bring about little response from your ex. But when you understand how to push his emotional hot buttons it will appear that you are doing absolutely nothing to try to get him back and that is the key.
I recently heard from a wife who felt that the bad shape her marriage was in was all her fault. Some destructive behavior, bad decisions, and indiscretions had hurt her husband very much. The husband was so hurt and upset, that he wasn’t sure that he wanted to be married anymore. The threat of losing her husband made this wife realize that she indeed loved her husband and did not want to lose him. She now realized that she had been taking him for granted. But the husband had become so angry and distant, that the wife was afraid that she was going to lose her husband once and for all.
She wanted my advice as to how to get her husband back and fully committed to her when she had hurt him so much. I will tell you what I told her in the following article.
Make Sure That Your Husband Understands How Sorry You Are And Don’t Make Insincere Excuses For Your Behavior: Sometimes, I suspect that this goes without saying, but I hear from many spouses who tell me that their partner does not seem all that sorry for their actions. It’s so important that you swallow your pride, sit your spouse down, and tell them in a very genuine and heartfelt way how very sorry you are. Lay out for them the fact that you know that you’ve hurt them deeply, love them very much, and will follow up these words with the actions that will show them over time how sincere you really are.
And, do not make any excuses for your behavior or insinuate that your husband is in any way to blame. This will only dig a deeper hole. He will likely respect you so much more if you just own up to what you did, apologize, and then begin to follow through on your promises.
Settle For Small Victories. Do Not Push For Too Much Too Soon: It’s very tempting to want to push for forgiveness right away. This is because knowing that might lose him is hurtful and scary. But, he will often need some time to calm down and to process his feelings. You will appear to be much more sympathetic and he will usually perceive you in a much more positive manner if you give him some patience and time. In fact, it never hurts to stress that you love him and don’t want to add to his burden by pushing him to do something that he is not ready to do.
People often hesitate to give their spouse time and space out of fear. They worry that if they give this time, the husband is going to decide that whatever transpired was a deal breaker and leave. But, they don’t understand that he’s likely going to resent your impatience and his feeling pressured is only going to contribute to his negative perceptions that you just can’t afford right now.
You’re much better off limiting your demands and just settling for small victories and positive outcomes. Let your husband set the pace and be thankful for even a little progress. Know that this might take some time, but be willing to give your spouse the time that he needs. If you keep allowing for him to become more and more comfortable, you are building a stronger foundation and friendship.
Try to keep things light hearted and not filled with pressure and tension. You want to basically leave each encounter on a positive note so that you both will want to repeat the process.
When The Time Is Right, Offer Your Husband A Workable Plan: If you’ve been successful in communicating how sorry you are and you’re beginning to reestablish good communication and trust, tread very carefully when you ask your husband for his commitment and reassurances. You want to make sure that you show and not tell him how and why things are going to be different. You have to show him the exact person that you’ve been promising him.
It’s not enough to tell him that you’re going to change and that your marriage can improve so that you are both happy. Your behavior and your new actions must show him this. Otherwise, he’s likely going to be very reluctant to believe in any plan that you propose. You will have to show him over time that you’re not going anywhere, that you will make good on your promises, and that your actions are going to prove over time that he’s going to be happier with you than without you.
You are struggling with your current relationship. You discovered an affair. Many negative feelings of betrayal, sadness and disappointed haunted your heart. It makes your soul broken as this person was very special in your life.
That type of events are damaging especially for women. They tend to be very emotional and sensitive to hurt. Dramatic events like this may shut down your heart for future potential relationships. It helps you to avoid more pain and more drama in your life.
I understand that you have enough of those sob stories…
Unfortunately, those events of affair create strong fear of intimacy. You are unable to connect with another human being. The only way to solve it is to address your past issue and erase it from your heart. If you are curious how to do it, I encourage you to keep reading.
Anytime you decide to start sharing your life with a new partner, you take a risk of emotional trauma. There is always a possibility him to have an affair and leave you with the broken heart. You can’t believe that he did it. This shock produces more anger, sadness, and betrayal.
You remember those negative memories and toxic emotions. They are eating your heart inside out as they stay in the subconscious mind. So long you keep sad memories, it will stay with you. It will block you from creating a healthy relationship.
You may decide to enter into a new relationship by all means. What would it happen you may ask?
Well, your new partner will trigger your old wounds from the past. You will relive negative emotions and past, traumatic life story. It will affect your present life with this new man. It won’t make it easy but only worse and worse over time.
You may remind the hurtful story within yourself. So you will likely to withdraw from active participation in your current relationship. Emotional pain is heartbreaking and hurtful so that you want to escape as fast as it is possible. You suffered before and now you are afraid of intimacy with your new partner.
It is impossible to have a fulfilled and healthy relationship in this scenario.
Only if you take a challenge and erase the past pain from your heart, you can succeed. Old negative memories of betrayal and emotional hurt are useless to hold it. It is better to clear your heart and make a new space for something better.
Delete your past. Is it even possible to do it you may ask?
There is a releasing technique which makes this possible. It helps to address painful memories, beliefs, and negative emotions. They are all toxic and parasitic so through this modality, you can get rid of them from your mind permanently.
Those “problems” live in the subconscious mind. They can survive only through following lies which persuade a human to believe that it is good to keep it.
The biggest lie is that memories teach us something important. It helps to avoid problematic issues in the future time.
Imagine: have you ever got hit by a school bus? Many of you may answer: no. This memory doesn’t exist, you never experienced this situation in your life. But you don’t wish to ever happen to you, do you?
What if you experienced an affair in your relationship? There are many issues you stored in your subconscious mind. This makes you feel enslaved. Then, it is good to erase it. Then, you will restart your mind and make it more space for a new, healthy and happy relationship.
Probably the most difficult ordeal that a woman has to go through is the moment her husband leaves her. The husband leaving home is painful, especially since the couple promised to go through anything together. Despite him leaving, there is a big chance that he is willing to work things out. There are some things that can be done, in order for your husband to come home:
Do not force him into anything.
No doubt, your husband needs space especially at this time. If you keep forcing him to come home or to even talk to you, the more he will walk away. Remember, your husband needs time away from you. Be patient as he will talk to you when he is ready.
Talk about everything.
When he finally agrees to talk, tell him to talk about everything he wants to say. Ask him what has happened between the two of you and ask him to tell you what he needs. Listening to him will help you understand your ordeal better.
After listening to him air his side, swallow your pride and give in to whatever he wants and needs. It is likely that he will also want to compromise about the things happening in your marriage. If he feels that you no longer have time for him, give him the time he wants.
This time will be different.
Aside from compromising, promise him that you do not ever want him to leave again and that this time, you will be different. No more nagging and no more shouting. You will be the best possible listener and that you will not do the same things that drove him away.
Say everything that you have to say.
Do not forget to put everything out in the open. Tell him all the things he needs to know and also how you exactly feel. Tell him the things you also do not like about him and how you both can make things better.
Even if it is so difficult to do so, apologize sincerely. The reason he left is you have done something that hurt him too. This is the chance to express how sorry you are and how you will not let these things happen again.
One step at a time.
It is impossible to make things better between the two of you in just an instant. Winning your man again will take some time. Do things slowly, and one at a time. If he is not ready to come home and he has not fully healed, let him use as much time as he needs.
As long as you know HOW to get a taken guy, nothing stands in your way. Yes, that’s right; I said NOTHING stands in your way. You see, all men are attracted to a certain types of women, for certain reasons, and as long as you understand and implement these reasons you will easily be able to make him leave ANY woman for you. Read on to find out how you can get a taken guy to leave her and date you instead…
#1: Get To Know Him How HE Wants To Be Known – A lot of women make the mistake of endlessly chasing a man and bombarding him with too many questions right off the bat. Doing such only drives him away and makes him think you are too clingy or will make him believe you are desperate (coming on too strong too quickly), especially when he “already” has a woman.
But the thing is, that is not how he wants to interact, and furthermore it’s not really how most men want to interact with women in the first place. Since most women make the mistake of trying to get to know him how they think is “right” or normal, what ends up happening if he answers all of the questions, is that he is forced to various show sides of himself in the WRONG manner and in the end feels misunderstood.
Instead, let him take his time in revealing things to you. It is OK to ask him questions, but don’t try and force anything out of him by asking thousands of questions in one go. If he isn’t answering, it is for a reason, and if you don’t respect that he will feel as if you simply aren’t listening…and therefore will think you don’t even understand him.
Remember that since you want him to leave the other woman, your main objective should be making him feel as though you want to know him for who he really is first, so that he will feel comfortable getting to know you in the end. By listening to him and letting him take things at his own pace, you show him that you can be trusted and this in turn makes him feel more attracted to you.
#2: Understand What Men Really Want…Not What You THINK They Want
The main mistake most women make is to assume that men simply always want to flirt and are always sexual, whereas in real life men actually like to be heard, understood, and accepted just like women do. What this means is that a man actually enjoys it when he can express himself or talk to a woman and have HER listen, and he loves it even more when she understands him.
But the fact remains that too many women overlook that fact and end up repelling a guy away because instead of listening they are asking too many questions and are taking him the wrong way.
For instance, if a man becomes quiet, a woman may think to herself: “Oh, something’s wrong…I must have said something that made him mad…” and immediately she is bombarding him with more questions trying to find out what’s wrong, when in fact nothing is wrong he is just silently enjoying her company.
In the end, if you really want to get a man to like you enough to leave another woman for you, you need to listen to what he actually wants, so that he feels understood. The fastest way to do this is to throw all of your pre-conceived assumptions about men out the window, and leave space for him to show you really what he is truly all about.
Remember that most men have to deal with women always accusing them of simply always wanting sex, women who only want him for money, or women who simply always misunderstand everything…and women accuse men of this all the time. This is a huge turn off to men, because it is a constant battle for them to always feel misunderstood and under appreciated….and because this is something which 99.9% of women do, you can easily get him to like you more and leave her just by TRULY understanding him and listening to him.
Thus if you really want to get a taken guy to leave his current partner and date you instead, all you have to do is understand what he really wants, because once you do, he will feel 100% comfortable giving you everything you want in return.
I get emails from women every day telling me that even when things are generally going well in their relationship, they still catch themselves feeling uneasy, over-thinking things and analyzing their man’s every move at times – which seems to do the OPPOSITE of bring him close, it actually pushes the man further away on a very deep, subconscious level.
Women always ask me if men can tell when we analyze their words and actions or try to “figure them out” – and they want to know how to stop doing this so they can get back to feeling normal again.
I believe men can absolutely tell when we’re too focused on them because it comes out in our vibe. Whether it’s in the tone of our voice or the energy behind how we respond to text messages – men are extremely sensitive to this and pick up on it subconsciously.
Analyzing everything a man says or does (or DOESN’T say or do) is MENTALLY leaning forward – and what you want to do instead is lean back and inspire him to come close to YOU.
That’s what will build a deep attraction with a man – since men value what they have to work for, just like we do!
If you’re having a hard time staying “cool” because you’re over-thinking things or trying to figure a man out, think of what a supremely confident women would do and feel in this situation – the kind of woman that men go crazy for.
That kind of woman wouldn’t care so much about what he’s saying, doing or not doing – since her focus would be on her own life, she wouldn’t even be thinking about a man who’s not right in front of her. In her mind, it’s up to the man to impress HER and win her over.
Taking your focus completely OFF of a man is what creates the space for him to come towards you.
If a man’s energy isn’t coming towards you, what you want to do is pull your energy OFF of him. In order to do that, you’re going to have to find some other things to do that will completely absorb you and occupy your time, energy, and attention.
See if you can “channel” that super confident woman inside of you when you catch yourself getting too focused on a man. This will make you unbelievably attractive to him – and cause him to instinctively want to more TOWARDS you. I know you have that energy somewhere inside of you because that’s what likely attracted him (and other men) in the first place!